So it's getting to be that time of year again....con season! Well...it's not officially here but for me it has to start now. SO MANY COSTUMES~! >___<;; For me alone I have 3. My costumes nest year for Katsucon/Otakon are Original Storm from X men, Soudo/Sword from Kurohime and "Halloween Kitty" Taokaka from Blazblue. (I say Halloween Kitty because it's one of her colors on her color chart. I like playing with that one the most :3) But yes, unlike prior years where I would make more costumes for a Otakon from Katsu instead I plan to make my costumes really bad ass and keep them that way until Otakon >.> I want to leave myself open to help others more this year. Of course I'll be making them a bit better but nothing too much.

Actually when I think about it now I might finish Soudo and Taokaka for Katsu and save Storm because it's so easy. XDDD last time I said that was for my Aisha costume and that was balls hard and expensive >____<;; So yeah...I'm all on the internet looking for wigs and prop pieces (bracelets, contacts, ect.) and calculating my damage. This year shall be a fun year :3

But on a serious note, I think now I will begin to write things in here at the beginning of the week talking about last week prior. Kinda like a review of everything or more like...what ever stuck out in my mind most. So with that we shall begin...

SHINDOU VENTS~! *plays theme song*

So lately I have been feeling kind of blank. It's mostly because I had something happen in my life that...no matter how much I say I'm over it and I forgive...I just can't.

You see, I had not only one but two of my good friends lie to me. And it wasn't like, "I didn't eat your muffin." or something as light as an April Fool's joke. No...my emotions were played. They both looked me in the eyes and lied straight to me. Now, I wouldn't say I'm the world's example of a great friend but for fucks sake if my friend's asked me anything I would simply tell them. Anything they wanted to know I would tell them. That's just me. But when I'm lied to...it makes me feel like an idiot. Especially for being so trusting.

Despite everything I still look at them and smile like everything is ok. Though sometimes I am quiet and to myself because all i can think about is how they could so easily hurt me. I hate to sound like a spoiled child but...it's just not fair. I want to scream and just be so hateful towards them and easily throw them aside but one is my best friend and the other is I guess...I guess you can say I have really strong feelings for him. So it's just not that easy.

I keep up a front for the sake of my other friends because I don't want them to ask me whats wrong and I don't want to seem emo but in the end I'm hurting. I'm being torn between the caring side of me and the side that really couldn't care less. Like earlier this week I hung out with them and all I kept thinking was, "I should really stop being friends with them. I deserve better than this." But sadly as I stated before I can't. And that just pisses me off because I don't want to be hurt anymore.

But until I know what I should do I'm going to continue to put up this charade. I suppose you can say now it's my turn to be the deceiver. It doesn't make me feel better though. It just makes it worse.

But I have to say that the only real good part about last week was that Friday was my 19th birthday~ and my first date. Yes I have never been on a date before in my life -____-'' But it was really fun. My friend, the one I have strong feelings for, was the one that took me. It was so amazing~! We went to Kobe and then to the movies to see Jennifer's Body. All I have to say about that movie is tow words: Megan Fox XD It had to be quite literally the best birthday I had ever had. Though....the whole time I just kept thinking, "I have to let you go...You can never be mine so...I have to let go..." I'll be telling you more about that later but for now I guess I should wrap this up. This has gotten pretty long for a rant.

So this is it for Shindou's Rants! See ya next time <3